A Fastidious Hat

Turkey Tom


Detroit Flops Again.. E-mail
Written by PRF   
Sunday, 23 May 2010 12:14

The end of Draft Day '10 won't take the bag off this Detroit fan's head.

The Detroit Lions did not win the Super Bowl last year, which makes it strange that they had the final pick of this year’s NFL draft. They likely acquired the last pick during the Matt Millan era in a trade with Tampa for their first round pick. Millan’s reasoning: If I unload my first round pick, then no one will be able to get on my back for selecting another Joey Harrington, Charles Rogers or Mike Williams. Well Matty, you got fired before you could see it happen and were forced to watch how Detroit’s latest mock executive committee would capitalize on the final draft pick in 2010.

The final person selected in the NFL draft is known as Mr. Irrelevant. Why? Well, because he is the last player selected and has little to no chance of carrying Gatorade into the end zone for more than a couple years, let alone touchdowns.

When the final pick came to Detroit at No. 255, the Lions were thinking WR. Their boy Marc Mariani out of Montana and the Big Sky conference had been snagged at No. 222 by Tennessee so Detroit was reeling. They had to make the selection between these two players and they had to make it fast:

Player X 5’10” 171 lbs. 2009: 83 receptions, 1104 yards, 10 touchdowns.

3 Biggest games:

8 catches, 135 yds, 2 TD @ Portland State

8 catches, 154 yds, 4 TD vs. Sacramento State

11 catches, 176 yds, 3 TD vs. Cal Poly

Notes: 1 in 100 chance of becoming the next Wes Welker. 1 in 1000 chance of going to a barbershop by September.

Player Y 6’4” 215 lbs. 2010: 113 receptions, 1781 yds (led nation), 14 TD.

3 biggest games:

13 catches, 214 yds, 1 TD vs. Baylor

10 catches, 200 yds, 3 TD @ Kansas State

15 catches, 233 yds, 1 TD vs. Kansas

Notes: Injury-prone but potential No. 2 WR or fringe No. 1 on bad team if healthy. 1 in 10 chance of becoming next Marques Colston. 1 in 1 chance of everyone on our team liking this guy.

And when the pick was sent in, Detroit went with Player X. Why? I have no idea. Player X is Timothy Toone out of Weber State University in Ogden, Utah. Player Y is Danario Alexander out of the University of Missouri. Timothy Toone looks like this. Danario Alexander looks like this. Timothy Toone played in a conference with Idaho State, Northern Arizona, and Montana State. Danario Alexander played in a conference with Oklahoma, Texas, and Nebraska. Danario Alexander had a case for the Biletnikoff Award. Timothy Toone’s hair has a case for lice.

(But seriously. I’m not even sure this guy will be able to meet the grooming standards to work at Ford or GM when his career ends in a year or two. And as for Danario, well as Facebook Friday on May 22 shows, my man is always looking fresh.)

In the end, Detroit did the thing they always do: mess up, point blank. And I’m sure Matthew Stafford is not delighted about the selection.

It is a travesty that Danario Alexander did not get taken in the 2010 NFL Draft (By damn, he led the nation in receiving!). If Alexander gets healthy, he will make a name for himself. He is too tall, strong, athletic, agile, and gifted not too. He is an incredibly hard worker and an incredibly good guy. Timothy Toone may be a hard worker and a good guy too (he dedicated two years of his life serving a Mormon mission in West Africa), but he has nowhere near the talent of Alexander.

Albeit disappointing, it is probably for the best that Alexander was not selected. He can now focus on getting healthy and will be able to pick where he wants to play. He will not be supplanted on the back end of the depth chart for one of the worst organization’s in all of sports. Instead, he will do what he always does: silence the critics that talk about his injuries and dazzle anyone who gives him a chance. Even if it is on one knee.


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