| 14 July 2009
Nebraska drives Sleezy's shitty S-10 from high school. It's gutted. In it's hey day, it sported the protection of a campershell so shit didn't slide downhill, but after year's of abuse, the protection gave out and the entire thing fell apart. After years of success, one person ruined it (in this case Sleezy's sister, pictured right). It's held together with bird crap and rust from glory days gone by. You could leave it unlocked with the keys in it in East St. Louis and it was always still there. Nobody wanted it. It's a mechanic's disaster and will never be put back together. Plus, it was red too.Baylor rocks a '78 Bronco, just like my pops drove when we were kids. We were too embarrassed to be caught in it, even at church. It took a beating and would die without a second thought. For all the size, it would self-combust if it got hit by a Geo Metro, which moves us to...
Iowa State parks in the handicap stall with a '94 Geo Metro. Popular for a little while, the demise of this piece of shit was inevitable. Everything was small and cramped, and the engine behind it never could get started. Very slow and relied on a very light colored paint scheme to populate this horrible breed of car.
K-State rides in a '96 Ford Ranger. Reliable, yet not flashy. It would get you to from point A to point B, but you would park this beast on the street in a hope that the garbage man would somehow destroy it, rendering it useless so you get grab a different car. The direction of the Ranger was always hindered because rocks would knock the headlights out like it was their job.
Texas A&M checks in with a mid 70's El Camino. You can't really pin down what year it was made because they have always looked and drove the same. It's always a piece of garbage to look at. Sure, you could throw a case of beer in the back, but really, why did it have a flatbed? Trying to be flashy in front of the neighbors.Okie State is a 1981 DeLorean. It never lived up to it's promise, and like a dead beat dad, it always left you alone and stranded.
Texas Tech throws the left knucks on the steering wheel of a BMW 5-Series. Great engine, very fast, leather interior. Sure, it's a flashy ride, but it has the defense of a window against a rock.
Colorado rocks a '98 Expedition with an oil leak. It's nice for awhile, then the smoke comes, and it's all over. The engine could blow at any moment and you pray to God that it will get you to the end. Sometimes it does, many times it doesn't.
Texas pimps a Caddy Escalade. It was a popular choice a couple of years ago, but it out of it's prime now. Little problems show up under the hood that keep you complaining and wanting a trade in. The problems under the hood will always cost you a ton of money, but then again, you're seriously not paying them, right? If you are, you should be embarrassed by the results.
Kansas is a suped up 2003 Honda Civic. Yeah, basically a rice burner. Cool to be in for a minute, but you can't wait to hop out because you look like a homo. It pulls up to the light, nods to the Geo Metro, and automatically races it. The driver is always cocky until a better car happens to be to the left and it gets burnt like George Hamilton in a tanning bed.Mizzou valets it's Lamborghini. Very fast, passing all the cars, weaving in and out. Sure, if you happen to bump another car, it may swerve a little, but overall a great car. Plus, it'll get you laid.
Oklahoma is the Aston Martin. Foreign, sweet, and always the stalwart in cars. Everyone wants to drive one. They have been a premium car for a long time, and will always be popular. They may not be the fastest car ever (that belongs to the Batmobile), but hell, James Bond drove it. It's also not the best in cold climates, but it's a freakin' sweet car. But it also costs a lot of money to maintain if you catch my drift (wink wink).
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