| 13 October 2007
No Victory Whiskey tonight, my friends. Ok, so we didn't win (41-31). We should have, but didn't. I'm use to this feeling, but haven't had it since last year after the Sun Bowl. Lets hope this isn't the patented "Let's go into the shitter" part of Missouri lore. Are we going to jump out of the plane without a chute? It's a proven fact that God hates Missouri; cheap smokes and booze, bars stay open late, furniture/moccasins/booze/porn shops at every exit, Hardees, Jack-in-the-Box, and easy women. But realize, we all sold our souls thousands of years ago to achieve those great things, and we sold ourselves to be punished by our football program. While I destroy the tape and my VCR, let's look at this game.-Third quarter was amazing. There's no way to put it other than dumping the ugly broad you brought to the prom to dance a little bit with the smokin' chick you've been tossing knuckle children to. You know you still have to hop back in the car with Gertrude to the end, but grinding your crotch on the hottie was enough for your night.
-Chase Daniel, WHAT THE FUCK? Probably say goodbye to the Heisman talk this year. That is, unless you tear up OU in the conference title game. More on that later.
-Pinkletoes; WHAT THE FUCK? The Maclin pass that got picked signified the beginning of the end. You could have had Chase run the ball and had great field position, another TD, momentum, and punched Bob Stoops in the face. I would have bought you a beer for that alone, but you're becoming an offensive mirage of yourself. Don't one-up your own play calling. That's what happened with all the trick plays.-Jeremy Maclin is Devin Hester. It's amazing the things this guy can do with the ball in his hands. Passing obviously isn't one of them, but the fumble wasn't his fault. Kick and punt returning is his specialty.
-Defense? Thanks for showing up for the 15 minutes known as the "3rd Quarter". Pig Brown, get hands. You could have iced a win. And with those hands, they come attached with a pair of complimentary arms. Use those things to wrap up when you tackle. And when you master that, teach your teammates on defense. Our defense tackles like a paraplegic trying to knock on a door; all head. Use your head and you'll be slobbering incoherently like my Aunt Linda's father in law at Thanksgiving. Old boy is on a ventilator and in a wheelchair and hacks his food on himself every two minutes. Want that? Tackle.-Shakespeare Pizza Playa of the Game will go to Chase Coffman (10 catches for 99 yards). We should have gone to that well more times than homeless guy sips on a 40. He saved us a few times with great catches, but I still don't see how everyone from Maclin, Alexander, Saunders, Franklin, Coffman, and Rucker were covered to the tune of ONE passing touchdown.
I hate to sound like Bill Callahan, but there are a couple of positive things to take out of this game; A). Mizzou covered the spread (10.5 CHA-CHING!), B). That 3rd quarter, C). This game wasn't a must win for us. We still hold the north in our hands, along with K-effing-U. Kansas will lose at least twice before they get to us. We will get a rematch in San Antonio, and Sleezy and I will do our best to be there. Now it's back to Columbia to face Texas Tech. Is anyone feeling weird about Tech nowadays? It's like finding out your brother is gay; it's a queasy feeling that you hope deep down that it's not true.
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