Pulped

Drastic times take drastic measures. While I'm still waiting for Mike Alden to call me on the Batphone and tell me "Kansas is in the Orange Bowl...SIKE!", I'm calling for a boycott on FedEx. Even if Mike called me, my emotions would be to punch him in the face, but I wouldn't. What I still would do is boycott FedEx.

Sure, you employed my dad back in the late 70's. I don't give a shit. Not only did you try to fuck me on receiving my Xbox 360 from the repair center, but then you leave a note on my door saying that I can't pick anything up until late at night! I'm at work at 3:30a you pricks.

It's shopping season, and our two options are using UPS and DHL. Ok, I have no clue what DHL stands for, but I still know the premise. They deliver stuff.

See what happens when you accidentally pick Kansas over Mizzou for a BCS bowl? Your stock goes down (as of 11a Monday morning), your employees hate you because you work them overnight, and a boycott happens. If you would have picked Mizzou to play VTech, the fact that Osama Bin Laden uses FedEx to ship his book club from a cave wouldn't have came out. Whoops, did I let that slip?

There is only one way to rectify this problem: admit your error. We've all done things that we regret. Several of mine have names like Kate and Stephanie. Your's is easier to fix, FedEx. You tell the one kU football fan that you meant to pick Missouri, but couldn't find it on your delivery map. Not a big surprise, we knew you were dumb. Hell, Jayhawk fans won't even notice. It's basketball season.

See, Mizzou beat two of the current BCS teams, Illinois and Kansas, and played well once against the Sooners before losing in the B12 title game. I tried finding the Jayhawk game this weekend; ABC, Lifetime, Oxygen, but I couldn't find it. Then it dawned on me...they were at home watching reruns of "I Love New York". They didn't even play in a game this weekend because they got beatdown by the team that you passed up on. Nice call FedEx. Hopefully Osama's book club makes up for your losses, bastards.