| 23 September 2007
I did compiled a list before for all sports announcing on my old blog (Bertflex), but we’re sticking with shitty college football announcing courtesy of the Worldwide Leader as this list goes from shitty to the shittiest; it’s The Shittiest Announcers in College Football! Or as ESPN would call it “Who’s Not NOW”. When's the Ocho launching?
-Trevor Maitch doing halftime during bad games. How do you replace a meathead retard? With another meathead retard. If you thought Trev Alberts couldn’t get any worse. Pop on ESPNU, ESPNews, or Thursday night ESPN games, and you'll see meathead in all of his shittiness. But, who knew he had his own website and blog!
-The Nessler/Maguire/Greise booth for ABC/ESPN is bad. I enjoy Brad Nessler. He is one of the best around, but Disney skullfucked him by sticking him with Bob Greise, who appears to have a stroke anytime he is on camera, and Paul Maguire. Maguire was tolerable with Mike Patrick, who did a great job controlling this freak along with Joe Theisman on ESPN’s Sunday Night coverage for years. The bad thing is, these guys usually get a good game to do.
-Gary Thorne teamed with Andre Ware. Thorne is great doing NHL. But put him in the booth for baseball or football and it gets horrendous. Thorne is over the top on anything and scares Andre Ware. Makes things a little awkward in the booth. I always want to hear Gary Thorne hit on a woman though. Instant comedy. ESPN should have given the stiff arm to the former Heisman winner, but of course ESPN whores itself out just to say they own someone like Ware.
-Brent Musberger with Bob Davie. I like Musberger doing football. He’s a poor man’s Keith Jackson. Well, at least a “bankrupt and drinking 40oz in the dumpster cause your baby momma took your money and left town and now you tie trashbags around your arms to keep warm” Keith Jackson. Bob Davie shouldn’t talk. He sucked as a coach, and is just as bad as an announcer. There's a reason he got 86'd for Ty Willingham as a coach. He motivates me to change the channel to the BET game of the week between Grambling and Alcorn State.
-Jimmy Dykes is the dumpster baby of ESPN. Dykes knows ACC basketball. This isn't the first time ESPN has put an ex-athlete in a sport that they know aren't familiar with; Heather Mitts covering baseball, Chris Spielman covering football (Zing!). Dykes is the sideline reporter for the late afternoon or night game, usually out west, so he gets some turd games. My favorite Jimmy Dykes moment happend during the 2004 season, when ESPN sent him to cover a Boise State game on the blue turf. Dykes tried to improv and had a bit where he would see how far he could throw a potato. He hyped it up and during a timeout, it was Jimmy's time to shine. He lined up on the back line of the endzone, ran to the goal line and heaved a potato about 15 yards and ate a face full of blue turf. It reminds me of my drunk uncle at Thanksgiving everytime.-Pam Ward is the shittiest. It's hard to get up for a Northwestern-Indiana game that starts at 11-freakin o'clock on a Saturday, but she makes it even rougher. Granted, she gets Big 11 games that get put on ESPN2, so most of those games are a big pile of deuce. They don't have much to choose from other than a whole lot of shitty teams; N-western, Purdue, Michigan State, Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, and occasionally an Iowa/Wisconsin/Ohio State sneeks in when they play one of the mentioned skanks of the Big 11 on the road. ESPN doesn’t want to waste a good color person by sticking them with this pile of shit, so they put two of the worst together. She's done games with Chris Spielman and Andre Ware before, and nothing has worked. If I lived in Minnesota and happened to not bite the business end of a 9mm during a November snow, and happened to turn a Minnesota/Illinois game on at 11am with the Ward/Ware team, suicide would seem like a better option.
These are the only ones that pop into my mind. If you have any others, leave them on the comments screen. They are all shitty at their jobs.
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