| 14 July 2009
I don’t like a lot of things. I can’t stand onions, geometry or college football analyst Brent Musberger.
But there’s probably only one thing I truly hate: The University of Kansas.
You want to know how much we hate Kansas? We refuse to capitalize the k at the beginning of the state’s name as an expression of our hatred. We don’t even respect the school enough to show it the courtesy of proper grammar.
This is why I scoff at the people that are trying to say this year’s Border War is meaningless. No Mizzou-kansas game will ever equal the magnitude of last year’s unless they play in the National Championship. And it’s true that the Tigers could not even show up at Arrowhead Stadium on Saturday and they would still play there next week in the Big 12 title game. But you’re forgetting who it is they’re playing. This is kansas.
Rivalries are one of the things that make sports great. I’m a Cardinals fan and I hate the Cubs. But I can at least appreciate the rivalry and, to be completely honest, I admire the passion of their fans. If the Cubbies ever won a World Series I would at least try to momentarily swallow my pride and congratulate them.
That’s not the case with kansas. If I woke up tomorrow and for some reason kU’s athletic department had self-destructed leaving the university without an athletics program you would find me skipping around Columbia with a smile stretching from ear to ear.
I guess it’s important before I get too far to admit that this column is written with my tongue partially in cheek. I happen to know a few kU fans and I’ll admit they have a couple redeemable qualities.
I just don’t understand why they have to taint my perception of them by associating themselves with such a corrupt and evil institution.
Why do I hate kansas so much? That’s not an easy question to answer.
I hate them because of their sultry and morbidly obese football coach who is so uptight that he refused to let his seniors dump Gatorade on him after pulling off a shocking Orange Bowl victory last season and so paranoid that he spent $90,000 of the kU athletic department’s money to plant 100 pine trees around the football team’s practice fields to keep spies away from their practices.
Allow me to go on a rant for a moment. With the economy in the shape that it’s in don’t you think that money could have been used more wisely than that? Couldn’t thousands of starving children have been fed with that money? What? Jabba the Mangino already ate that hypothetical supply of food? How’s that even possible? OK, scratch that idea.
I hate them because of their nonsensical “Rock Chalk Jayhawk” chant, which from what I can understand has something to do with some sort of mineral.
I hate them because of their fans that held up Orange Bowl signs during the Mizzou-kansas basketball game last season despite finishing behind Missouri in every respectable category. Only kU fans would try to talk trash two months after losing the biggest Border War game of all time.
So don’t tell me nothing is on the line Saturday. This is kansas. You better believe this game means something.
kan-zuhs. The very sound of it makes my blood boil.
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
