| 14 July 2009
you must be the biggest no talent ass clown retard on the planet. But then again, I would have been wrong. Almost as wrong as Big Head was when he took home one of Omaha's finest from the bar and she turned out to have a bigger dick then John Holmes. The big 12 has been very good this year and here is what is on top of each of their Christmas lists:Baylor: Dear Santa, please let us win one conference game next year. Just one. Is that to much to ask? If winning is to scoring with a hot chick then Baylor is to jerking it to Adult Swim.
Iowa State: Dear Santa, please send us some talent. We are the laughing stock in our own state. All they have going for them is that they can do amazing things with corn and and it's easy to spell.
Kansas State: Dear Santa, please let us get some new colors. How that hell are we going to strike fear in people wearing something out Liberace's closet? Plus our name is the Wildcats, for the love of God can we be any gayer?Oklahoma State: Dear Santa, please be quite when coming down the chimney. You do not want to wake up Mike Gundy or else he will start to yell at you and let you know that he is 40 and does not believe in you. Also, that he is a man and if you want to come at anybody go for him.
Colorado: Dear Santa, please give Cody Hawkins a new right arm. Maybe one that can throw for more than 20 yards. His arm is weaker than Big Head's self restraint at an all you can eat pizza buffet.
Texas Tech: Dear Santa, please forgive our coach for saying those mean things about the refs this year. He meant to say was that they were all a bunch of nice professional people who are trying their best and not a bunch of homo lovin cock stains.
Texas A&M: Dear Santa, please let us have a good year with our new coach. The last one couldn't figure out his ass from a hole in the ground.
It was like watching my dad sleep walk naked. you don't want to stop him because you want to see where he ends up. And just like this season you find him peeing in the laundry basket.Texas: Dear Santa, please give our coach some new clothes and some style. He looks like a man who just got out of a bum fight. He gets paid a lot but I think I may have seen him walking with a K-Mart buggy full of blankets, toilet paper, and plenty of magazines of Vince Young, which he jerks off to.
Kansas: Dear Santa, please share your dieting secrets with our coach. I know you are the jolly old fat man, but he is like the Good Year Blimp. His cereal bowl comes with a life guard. He's so fat during one of his post game interviews I saw a man with a pick axe trying to climb him.
Oklahoma: Dear Santa, please let us stop losing to shitty teams. We should be the best team in the nation but we played like shit in our two games we lost. Also, please make it legal for us to have sex with our sisters. They are the best kissers.
Nebraska: Dear Santa, please let Bo Pelini be our saviour. We can not take another year of bad football. Our state is so fucking cold in the winter that Husker football is all we have, it's pathetic I know. We base our entire life off of what a bunch of 18-23 year olds do on a football field. If we do not make it to a bowl game next year, we will burn down the Nebraska State library so no records of this time era will be left, the saddest part is that only about half of the books in our library are not colored in yet.Missouri: Dear Santa, please let us beat OU next year if we meet them in the Big 12 championship game. We played like my ex-girl friend. We just laid down and got scored on more times then Jenna Jameson.
I hope you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from my Sleezy family to yours.
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