| 03 October 2007
SOUTH
Texas: Coke Having lived in Texas for many years I know that they call everything down here coke. It's retarded. Just like how Texas was given #7 ranking last week. They are barely beating anybody and everybody is gay for Colt McCoy for whatever reason. Literately, they all want to have gay sex with Colt McCoy.
Oklahoma: Sprite How in the hell do you lose to CU? You have been putting up 50+ points on everybody. This why you are sprite because its good for a hangover. Y'all were obviously out partying to much with the fine ass Boulder chicks and were not ready to play the next game. Or it was the thin air that just made you stupid in the head.
Oklahoma State: Monster I don't know much about this team other than they just beat TT is a kick ass football game last week. I did however see the coach Mike Gundy remind me that he is indeed a man and if I ever feel like going after somebody to go at him, he can take it. This is why they are the drink Monster, he was going a mile a minute, he must have drank 3 of these before the interview or the cooler dumped on him was full of it. (side note: I did have just the can picture till I found this add...lets go with this)
Texas A&M: Fresca This team has not played anyone hard yet but makes each game a thriller to watch. They don't play a hard team until November so I will make them Fresca because they are a bunch of vaginas and only vaginas drink Fresca. My ex girlfriend liked A&M and she had a vagina. I friend of mine lost a bet and he was forced to wear an A&M hat like a vagina. There is only one guy I know who likes A&M that is not a vagina but he surrounds him-self with a lot of vaginas who are all A&M fans. I just like saying vagina.
Texas Tech: Kool-aid This team is filled with thugs and ex-cons. So i picked a drink that fits their prison lifestyle. In fact, linebacker Kellen Tillman has been arrested on a marijuana possession charge recently. I would be sacred that I would get shanked on the field or their gloves have brass knuckles in them.
Baylor: Tab This maybe one of the worst drinks out there and Baylor is one of the worst teams in the Big 12. This is the team that 1-AA teams put on their schedule for a win. For the love of God Baylor, you should be called the Bear Rugs since you get walked all over every damn time.NORTH
Mizzou: Pepsi They are top of the food chain right now in the Big 12 North. With a win against the gay ass Huskers the Tigers may finally win the Big 12 North. They are a lot like Pepsi when you drink it real fast (put up 30_ points) real fast you feel a burn (crappy defence)in your chest area. Then you let out a collective belch (turnover) and you feel a lot better (Mizzou winning the game).
Colorado: Mountain Dew Not only are they Mountain Dew because they are in the mountains but they are all still hyped up after their big win against OU. Mountain Dew is what I drink for a quick rush. They don't play a hard team now until November so they could be a surprise North winner. But just like the soda they represent the rush feeling will soon fade away and you will hit the wall. Watch this team lose to Baylor Bear Rugs next week. I think the Yellow #5 in Mountain Dew shrank Cody Hawkins' penis and that's why he throws like a girl.
Kansas State: Tropicana This team somehow won a big football game against Texas last week. Sure Texas was over rated but they put up 41 points on them. The reason they are Tropicana is that this team has "fruity" colors and I could not think of a better fit. Kansas State won with some great tactics like Grab Ass and Smear the Queer. This team is #24 right now but by next week they will be long forgotten about except when you see a gay pride parade go by.
Kansas: Hawaiian Punch Just like the drink you can not consider this a soda nor can you consider Kansas as a football team. They stacked their non conference schedule with very easy teams to try to get to a bowl. I hate this school during basketball season but as of now I just laugh at the gayhawks and hope they lose every game.
Nebraska: Crystal Pepsi Just like the drink they have diapered since 1995. They always are the favorite to win the North but suck in pressure situations. They are barely winning the games the do win and got the beat down like a hooker who just short changed her pimp by 20 dollars. The only thing Nebraska has going for it is that their chicks are fine as hell, but their football team sucks. I see suicide rates going up after this weeks game when Mizzou puts an ass beating on this team that will make me want to go to confessional.
Iowa State: Pepsi Lime Maybe the worst soda on the market next to Tab. They are the Baylor of the North. This drink is impossible to take down just like watching this football team is hard to watch. They should send out a bunch of girl scouts in their place, at least then they would stand a fighting chance. (side note: Big Head once tried to drink 12 Pepsi Limes in a hour...he failed miserably)
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